How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
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I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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