i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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