My sheets look like a crime scene.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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