A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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