I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize