I just pynch a tree in the face
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The Olympian is in my bed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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