isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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