New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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