There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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