Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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