anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I licked your asshole in confidence.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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