On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
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is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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