yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize