i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize