he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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