yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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