Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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