if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
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This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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