things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
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doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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