Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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