Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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