the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
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xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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