Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize