so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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