Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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