he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize