I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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