A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
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If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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