dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
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Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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