I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am spending my child support on dildos
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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