i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
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Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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