I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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