And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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