you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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