I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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