all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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