So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
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Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
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Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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