Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize