Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize