I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
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I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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