i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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