i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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