Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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