Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize