I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
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My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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