Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
why is half of my head shaved?
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