sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
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You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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