you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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