you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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