I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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