Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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